In this post, one of our readers shares her story of abandonment and healing. 

Childhood Trauma

I was just four years old when my dad went abroad to work for the first time. After he left, I didn’t see him again for two years. I didn’t understand then what harm his absence would bring into my life. When he returned, I kept telling him to never leave me again. 

Later, when I was thirteen, I went to spend the summer holiday with my aunt. While there I received a call from my dad. He was at the border, just about to go abroad again to work. He didn’t tell me in advance because he knew I would be upset.

When I got the call, I was shocked and angry. I didn’t even get the chance to see him before he left. Not knowing how to deal with I all the feelings I had, I placed the guilt on myself. I told myself that he left because he needed more money to raise me. From that point on, I blamed myself when others behaved badly toward me. I told myself that I was not enough, not good enough, not strong enough.

Adult Impact

Six years later, when I met my future husband, I did the same thing. I didn’t have the courage to tell him when something was wrong. I just kept telling myself that the problem was with me and that is why I feel hurt when he doesn’t give me time or attention, or when he does things that I don’t like. I was afraid that he would abandon me like my father did. I did whatever I could to make sure he would not leave. 

Four months before our wedding, we met with an older couple for pre-marriage counseling. They discovered that I had all these fears. This couple helped me go back to my childhood where everything started. They asked me if I would like to try praying with them in a different way. 

Jesus Brings Healing

As we prayed, they asked questions like: 

• Jesus, why does her dad act like that?
• Jesus, where were you in that moment when she received the call?
• Jesus, what were you doing?
• Jesus, what do you want her to learn from this? 

I began to picture Jesus in that room. I realized that I wasn’t alone, that I wasn’t abandoned, that it wasn’t my fault that my dad left to go abroad. I heard Jesus say that he is with me, and he always will be. I heard him say that I am loved and enough. 

That was the first prayer for inner healing that I experienced. It didn’t resolve everything in a single moment, but it was an important starting point. My fiancé and I realized what caused the trauma, why I reacted in negative ways sometimes, and why I don’t have the courage to set boundaries. 

Working on the healing of my inner child was the thing that changed our relationship and set the foundation for a happy and blessed marriage today. 

Lonely child photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Happily married photo by Ryan Franco on Unsplash